By Bruce Fischer

• You know the early arrival date of every spring migrant in your area but can't remember your anniversary.
• You've added semipalmated and pileated to your spell checker.
• You get pulled over for drunk driving at 9 am because you were watching a flock of kinglets.
• You don't blush when you say Bushtit.
• Your friends have tennis elbow and athlete's foot, you have warbler neck.
• You care that there are more than one race of Canada Goose.
• Your binoculars cost more than your car.
• Prior to a visit to an art museum, you consult your painting field guide to learn the field marks of the paintings most likely to be seen on this trip.
• When you talk about the Big Day you don't mean your wedding.
• You visit your mother-in-law twice a year because she lives in Southeastern Arizona.
• After a diversity training course at work you file a complaint because a painting in the hall lacks Blue Phase Snow Geese.
• Dream vacation sites include garbage dumps and sewage ponds.
• You go to a nude beach with a spotting scope and spend the entire time trying to identify alcids.
• You don't care about economic or tax issues, you want to know if a political candidate is a splitter or a lumper.
• You threaten a boycott of Utah because their State Bird isn't a real species.
• Your child's first word is pish.
• You refer to lingerie as breeding plumage.
• You own every Bird Field Guide published, but the only one you ever use is your first edition Golden Guide.
• You can accept that Wile E Coyote defies the law of gravity and survives being smashed by a 2 ton rock, but can't get past the fact that the Roadrunner's vocalization is incorrect.
• You buy 8 kinds of suet but only one kind of breakfast cereal.
• You have a life list, a county list, and a list of birds you've seen defecate.